ko phangan

am staying on the middle island of ko phangan at the mo. not quite as developed as the more touristy ko samui but home to the world famous thai full-moon party on hat rin. the party is tomo night. and i am very nervous. not least because there are going to be 10,000 - 15,000 people there. but also because they have designated pass-out zones where cops watch you so you can't be raped or your stuff stolen. that's just asking for trouble. goddamn cops.

since i left ko samui 3 days ago, i have not managed to hook up with anyone and therefore will be going to the party ace out. yep... that good ol' winch charm managed to keep me free and single once again!!!

so what have i done here? well, i have had a whole lot of self dialogue. it's been freakin terrible. i actually get to feel the boredom you guys feel when you're in my company. i've also hired a scooter and scooted around the island, rocking up at a few deserted beaches. i've considered masturbating in perfect solitude in the middle of these beaches with the sun warm on my skin and the sand course on my errr... but for one reason or another, haven't got round to it. perhaps it's the fact that i've got a bit of heat stroke that i haven't been feeling that horny lately. perhaps it's the heat stroke that's making me write this shit. perhaps i just need a beer.

cheese


and rice. just had a crazy crazy crazy-ass two days. it started on friday evening with a few heineken's at a beach bar. and ended with me having to pay 500 baht to some angry mob to prevent two mates being arrested by the thai police at 6am on sunday morning.

the rest is a bit hazy but included: a half moon party at ko phangan. buckets of hallucinagenic (well according to some dutch bird anyway) thai rum. rugby tackling random people. drunken bathing. losing all my money. losing my room key. losing my ying ring. losing my dignity. a forest. a french girl. grazes all down my right leg. some weird dutch folks. fire kites. dancing on tables at the ark bar on the beach. an aussie who smashed our table whilst doing a handstand on it. more rum buckets. vodka redbull buckets. some quality dance clubs. dancing in a swimming pool. an irish girl. errr... and a whole lotta memory blanks.

just chilling today... need the rest. off to koh phangan tomorrow.

get in there

good news guys - my luck may be changing.

got up this morning. washed my face. brushed my teeth. flexed my pecs. and then headed out of my bungalow to the restaurant terrace overlooking the sea to have breakfast. ordered some eggs and bacon and toast and jam and fruit juice (i love thai food). then settled back into my seat to take in the view.

my view gazing didn't get far though. only about 20m to be exact. there in front of me were 3 topless ladies. hmmm. i was sure that i recognised them. suddenly it came to me - one of them was the beautiful scando that was sitting 3 seats from me in the internet cafe last night. bonus!!! i recognised her because of her super sleak tanned body and amazingly long legs and swimmingly clear blue eyes (yes - i was that close). the bandage on her leg also gave it away.

anyway - so i kicked back and waited for my breakfast, my eyes carressing her soft brown bee-sting nipples. then i noticed her mate - blonde and small with fuller breasts, she was even hotter. good lord. i was in paradise. thank you buddha. i promise to offer a lotus flower to you in thanks at the next temple i go to.

there's not much else to tell except that i had the most amazing breakfast view. oh... and they stay in the same place i do. oh... another quick story: i am on a budget holiday - so i demand to stay in the cheapest place ever in the whole world wherever i go (it's the backpacker way). the place i am staying in is approx gbp10 per night - so i was a little worried that i had been ripped off. then i met a local and had this conversation:

where you stay?
samui mandalay
you israeli?
no why?
always israeli stay in mandalay

score!!! if israelis stay there, you know that there is no cheaper place in town. that gave me peace of heart.

anway - just thought i'd keep you updated. use it. don't use it.

ps. i actually think the girls may be dutch, not scandos. there sure are a lot of dutch folks here.

pps. apologies if i appear to be a pervert - it probably is because i am a pervert. i have that desperate look in my eye again goddammit.

arrgghhh...

NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

spent the day on the beach today and kept a beady eye open. the scandos are very few and far between (although there is the most beautiful tanned scando sitting 3 seats from me in the internet cafe - she has a bandage around her leg... guarenteed scooter exhaust burn... there is a lot of them around here). instead this place looks a bit like english old age gathering with grannies having a topless droop-off compo. in fact this place reminds me a lot of the med. except the locals are oriental. and not snobby french folk.

ko samui

i've just arrived, but i think i've found them. i can hear them. taste them. smell them. hmmm... scandos. they are here somewhere i tell you. they must be here. it's their kinda scene. sand and sun and fresh fish and beer and bronze tans and beach volleyball and all sorts of other beachy shit. this place is made for them. just need to make a plan to infiltrate their close knit circles. i reckon it's gonna take a lotta booze and a whole lot more peck flexing. but hey... i've never shyed (spelling looks weird) away from booze... and i've got a set of near perfect pecks (even if the left one is a little smaller and lopsided - it adds character).

will keep you informed of any progress.

this is the story of a (thai) girl

thailand is full of old european looking dudes walking around hand-in-hand with beautiful young thai girls. you get kinda envious at first. but then you stop to think about it and it sure is sad.

on the bus to krabi, i sat behind a 55yr old aussie dude who had the most stunning thai lady i have ever seen. she was super super beautiful. young and innocent looking - almost like a porcelein doll. across the isle was this balding german dude who was interested in the process of acquiring one of these "girlfriend's". they struck up a candid conversation with regards to this...

turns out the thai girl was a "naive one" from the northern provinces sent to bangkok from her family rice farm to make money and support her folks. these "naive ones" are the best ones to have apparently, as the "ones" from bangkok are prostitutes and are just after your money - that is bad. the dude sends her 50 aussie dollars a month to support her and she is faithful to him and looks after him real good when he is around. this girl is 20yrs old. they have been together about a year. that makes her 19 when they got together...

19yrs old. i realise that some of the girls choose this way of life - fair play to them. but this girl was 19!!! how could she have chosen to make that decision??? when i was 19, i hadn't even been in a serious relationship yet (okay, i was super slow). i was still wet behind the ears, looking at the world with bright eyes. i was full of hopes and dreams of happiness and love (and spurs and scandos). the world was a wonderful place. a romantic place. contrast this to what the thai girl must be thinking and seeing of the world. how can you have any aspirations when you have been bought? what is the rest of her life going to be like?

at first i was pretty angry with the old dude - but i had a chat to him and he seemed a decent chap. i guess it's mainly due to the social and economic situtation in the country at the mo... and it sure is super sad. with all the wealth around in the world at the mo, one should never be able to afford to buy someone else's dignity.

waiting, watchin the clock
it's four oclock, its got to stop
tell him, take no more
she practices her speech
as he opens the door, she rolls over
pretends to sleep as he looks her over

she lies and says shes in love with him
cant find a better man
she dreams in color, she dreams in red
cant find a better man

talking to herself
theres no one else who needs to know
she tells herself
memories back when she was bold and strong
and waiting for the world to come along
swears she knew it, now she swears hes gone

she lies and says shes in love with him
cant find a better man
she dreams in color, she dreams in red
cant find a better man

ao nang beach, krabi (southern thailand)

thai beer - $1

hire of scooter for a day - $5

one hour thai massage - $6

frolicking in the waves at sunset on an tropical island paradise with an islamic, vest-tanned, bearded, bosnian dude named elvis (who after a few beers later that evening turned out to be gay) - priceless.

there are some things money can't buy - for everything else there's mastercard.

bangkok

in bangkok at the mo. khaosan road. backpacker, bohemian paradise. hustle and bustle and beer and hippies and beads and scandos and english folks on gap year. accomodation is basic. box rooms where the keys don't work properly. i am currently locked out of my room. i had to climb in through the window earlier.

weather is still super hot. and bangkok is super smoggy. the wet season means that there is a thunder storm every afternoon which creates a sauna-type effect and steaming roads. haven't braved the pingpong show yet... am scared to go by myself. i never was that great at pingpong anyway. little white balls bouncing everywhere. and paddles. freaks me the fuck out.

off to the jungle tomo - going to ride an elephant and look for tigers (toit like a toiger). then off to the beaches and the full moon party at the end of the month.

otherwise... just keeping it buddhist.

one night in bangkok makes a hard man humble
not much between despair and ecstasy
one night in bangkok and the tough guys tumble
can't be too careful with your company
i can feel the devil walking next to me

god damn

first impressions of singapore... fuck my ass and call me nancy, but there sure are a whole lot of oriental ladies around here. i didn't expect sooo many. and they all wear mini-skirts. and they all have great pins. and some of them want to take pictures of you. and some of them are called tingting. and they give you business cards - "business consultancy services". and ask you to call them. it's the novelty factor i guess... being western and all. hmmm... i love oriental ladies.

it's not just the girls that are hot. the weather is super hot too. i've been sweating more than a hairy fat man in a sauna.

just at the airport at the mo. on my way to bangkok. had a hectic wend in sing. lots and lots of boozing at elitist establishments. will write more when i have time. also need to update for porto's bulls & wedding and south african road trip... the dial-up internet in sa is super slow.

anyway - must go. later.

ps. get in there spurs... 5th again!!!