week 1 - the salmon run
4.12.09 - 12.12.09

things started badly. earlier in the week frank and i decided to keep it tidy in order to make a clean start on sat. eish. it was always gonna be a tough ask. thurs and fri nights were huge. come sat morning i was so hungover even the ultimate kfc burger box couldnt pull me right.

but we left perth nonetheless. at 2pm. original etd 4am. we headed north up past geraldton to kalbarri. a breezy little holiday town situated along one main street that fronts some sort of seawater lagoon. during the drive up i suffered. but we still managed to elect tiny dancer as the official tour song.

blue jeans baby, la lady
i married a music man

we also managed to crack the windscreen 30mins into the trip. which was a shame. cos just 24hrs earlier we had elected not to take the windscreen and wheel insurance cover at just $3 a day extra. the lord giveth. and he taketh away.

we stayed a day at kilbarri to shoot the breeze. it was windy. we left the next morning. checked out some gorges. and then smoked it up to carnarvan. where we bought rum. and had lunch on the sea front. the seagulls sure were vicious. first sighting of abo's. we motored straight on up to exmouth. passing the tropic of capricorn on the way.

not sure what exmouth is. we couldnt really find it. sure was baffling. but we stayed in some lighthouse campsite. "the best situated campsite in wa" - lonely planet. really??? eish. missed that one. next morning we headed into the national park. now that was friggin awesome. we had neds campsite all to ourselves. and a quality beach 10m away. and roo's. just parking cheesy under the tree. they are super cool bastards. we spent two days there. frolicking in the turquoise water. playing cricket by the camp. snorkelling the ningaloo reef. i saw three monster sharks. okes were just dossing under rocks. i was too scared to pull their tails. frank fished. caught nothing. jussis. it was lekker. except the flies. never seen so many of the fuckers. they were all over the show. up your nose. in your ear. licking your eyeball.

the stars were awesome as well. but we struggled to find the southern cross. in the end we gave up.

we left the next afternoon. that was the last time we ever saw a vehicle of any sort going north. thousands coming south. but nothing going north. we sure were swimming upstream. the salmon run.

we spent the night in an outback roadhouse. it was frikken super uber hot. jeepers creepers. it was hotter than that dark chick on the 70's show. but not as hot as camilla. there was some german chick there working as a petrol attendant. she said she liked it. cos they let her swim in the river in the morning. friggin ace. i was thinking of applying for a job. no i wasnt. not even for a second. the place was filled with truckers. sweaty fat bastards. in dirty tight white vests. green truckers caps. chewing and spitting. i had an incident in the shower with one of them. it was awful. the lord giveth. and he taketh away.

so we hightailed it out of there the next morning real early. like 4am early. up to broome. broome is a kiff place. but would be better if it had a kfc. kfc is the very benchmark of kiffness. that's why south africa is the kiffest place in the whole world ever. quantity and quality. but broome is pretty kiff i guess. cable beach is massive. plenty of space for beach cricket. we were warned off swimming by croc sightings. but jumped in anyway. because we are heroes. and there were some dolphins chilling in the waves. we had a few beers at the local pub. abo sightings getting more frequent.

we continued north through fitzroy and halls creek. notorious for drunk abo's. but was pretty lame when we got there. apparantly they are dry towns now. this means that their are no bottle stores. and the pubs can breathalise you and send you on your way if you are drunk. bottlestore owners werent happy with this new ruling. neither were the abo's. neither were the UN. they came in. did a survey. and concluded it was against basic human rights. but the aussies dont care. so the town is dry.

so all the abo's have moved up to kunanarra. we met some of gem's friends up there. their car had just been stolen by the abo's. just for a joy-ride. they weren't happy. and were out for some vigilante justice. the police have given up. its bad practice to jail abo's. apparently. so this dude told us some stories. said he wasn't racist. but hates the abo's. reckons they're animals. they get drunk and beat the women and kids. and the women beat each other. and the kids steal cars. and they all sniff petrol. and i must admit. they all look rough. like really friggin kak. super hungover. with dopey red-eyes. and i haven't seen one of them in the work force. not even in a menial job. picking up rubbish. or behind a fast food counter.

eish. but this abo issue is a huge problem. i decided to build bridges. get to the bottom of it all. cos somewhere the system is failing. either on the western side. or the abo side. or both.

and there ends the first week.

kpi's:

kitty master: frank

van issues: cracked windscreen. inside light ripped. broken cupboard door. unidentified jiffy stuffed under the back cushion. two broken chairs. leaking sink. front bumper falling off. microwave broken. kettle leaking.

frank fish count: 0

road kill: 100 x giant locust. 3 x bird.