Cuba Email - 22.12.05

merry communist (26.11.05 - 08.12.05)

greeting comrades,

december sure was the month of cool people... i traveled to the spiritual home of the coolest dude who ever lived ever... and jammed to the tunes of the coolest band with the coolest frontman in the world ever. and of course, santa claus is a pretty cool chap...

“that they were called the mau mau meant that they were men of honour, who magnanimously released their prisoners after explaining to them the reason for the revolution. they treated both their own wounded and the enemy’s, they never abandoned comrades in battle, they gave warning of their attacks, they avoided bloodshed, they avenged offenses against the people, and they were never defeated.” and that in a nutshell was the legend of che guevara... the coolest dude who ever lived in the world ever. and his ghost still hangs heavily over current-day cuba...

cuba is a strange place... kinda like being on the moon i suppose... if the moon had sizzling golden-brown salsa-dancing females... and huge 50's style chevelots... and cigars as fat as big mamma's ankles... and gentle turquoise seas softly lapping long stretches of silver sand... and the friendliest people in the whole world... which of course it doesn't... because the moon is not in the world... so it's prob not best to compare cuba to the moon... no doubt the moon has a better choice of food though.

perhaps it's better if i say it's like going time travelling... cuba has been in a time warp since the early 60's, following the revolution (think guevara and fidel castro) and the us enforced embargo on pretty much everything, which effectively isolated cuba and forced them look to russia for support and eventually resulted in the cuban missile crisis... hmmm... the shortest history on cuba ever... but you get the picture...

don't wanna be an american idiot
one nation controlled by the media
information age of hysteria
it's calling out to idiot america

cuba is a communist country... which in theory should be the natural evolutionary path of capitalism... and which in practice is the work of the anti-christ... apparently... well according to imperialist society anyway. in reality it's neither as good as castro says it is, nor as bad as bush makes it out to be...

top 5 disadvantages:

breakfast (ham & cheese omelets) *
lunch (ham & cheese sandwiches) *
supper (ham & cheese pizzas) *
lack of knowledge and information (due to censorship of the press, etc - no internet access to the general public and the newspapers are state owned)
engineers / accountants work as beach barmen (all jobs pay the same)

* please note: i am going a little overboard here, and there is of course some variety available (eg. for breakfast you could have a cheese omelet; for lunch, a ham sandwich; for supper, a cheese and ham pizza).

the rations and lack of choice in consumer goods are not the result of a communist society, but rather the product of the severe trade embargo enforced on cuba by the us (the us recognises 198 countries in the world, and has embargo’s against 197 of them... of course, they can’t have an embargo against themselves... hence 197). indeed, one doubts whether a capitalist system would work any better under these conditions... no doubt there would be the rich few... but the majority would be worse off.

well maybe i'm the f*ggot america
i'm not a part of a redneck agenda
now everybody do the propaganda
and sing along in the age of paranoia

top 5 advantages:

people are less self-orientated and are genuinely interested in other individuals
no commercialism (the only billboards contain references to the revolution)
free education and healthcare for everyone
cheap booze ($5 bottle of rum)
engineers / accountants work as beach barmen (all jobs pay the same)

it's true that the majority of people in western countries have a higher standard of living... and we should be thankful for that... but it is unnerving to know that we are effectively piggy-backing off less developed countries and protecting our interests by imposing suffering and poverty in the 3rd world... essentially all we have done is moved the peasant class outside our 1st world borders. out of sight, out of mind i suppose.

there is also a popular misconception that communism and democracy are mutually exclusive... not true. in fact, communism is the very essence of democracy and if the earth were populated by 6 billion jesus’s, buddhas’, mohammeds’ and guevaras’, communism would indeed be the political system of choice.

welcome to a new kind of tension
all across the alienation
everything isn't meant to be okay
television dreams of tomorrow
we're not the ones who're meant to follow
for that's enough to argue

okay... so enough of communism 101... what did we actually do there?

we arrived in havana... hired a car... got lost... really lost... we picked up hitch-hikers (it used to be against cuban law not to)... they showed us the way... we arrived at “playa larga”... we lay on the beach... we did some snorkeling... we ate a ham & cheese sandwich for lunch... we drank beer at the beach-bar... we ate a ham & cheese pizza for dinner... we drank cuba libres (a drink named in celebration of the revolution)... we smoked cuban cigars (expensive... but terrible)... we went to sleep... mosquito’s attacked us.

if you read the above paragraph 9 times you will have a pretty good account of our 9 day holiday... however, please remember to ignore the first two semi-sentences (because we didn’t arrive in havana every day) and change the name “playa larga” to “playa giron” on day 3;

to “cienfeugos” on day 4;

to “varadero” on day 5;


and to “havana” on day 9. exciting times...

the only other notable thing to mention is the time we encountered karma... we stumbled into 47 norwegian girls in cienfeugos. the fact that we had been in a desert of non-western female company made this oasis of scando girls sweeter than ever... and even dopey, the most skeptical dude in the world ever, started to believe in the mechanics of “you get what you give”... all our good deeds were finally being rewarded.

the girl we started speaking to was the 2nd most beautiful girl in the world ever (behind the lovely camilla of course) and her 46 mates existed on the 46 rungs that was the ladder between 1st and 2nd place. turns out they were at uni studying philosophy. so we talked about socrates and aristotle and hume; mused over kant’s “critique of pure reason”; and debated plato’s cornerstone theory of substance and form and the profound effect it had western civilised thinking... errrr... actually we glugged beer; oggled scando flesh; and blubbed out cheesy pick-up lines. but when they suggested we meet them out at the next club... dopey was sold... karma was his new religion...

so with the scando’s waiting for a taxi, we hooked up with some locals and hitched a ride to the club, giggling in anticipation and already reminiscing about our future conquests. we piled out of the car, almost tripping over our excitement... 47 single scando’s... the best night of our lives awaited us... karma i tell you... karma i tell you...

the club was closed... we had been stood up. wwwwhhhhyyyy????? karma i tell you... dopey was now a fully fledged disciple... plodding around, dribble dangling from his lower lip, mumbling, “you reap what you sow... you reap what you sow”... we sure did regret making that little 9 yr old local dude sleep on the cold concrete floor on the first night in havana.

so that was cuba... definitely a place worth visiting.

and so onto the foo fighters last sunday... prob the most awesome concert in the world ever. dave grohl has metamorphed from the meek drummer of nirvana, eclipsed by the phenomenon that was kurt cobain, into a raging beast of a front-man... spitting, swearing, screaming, burping. his energy is amazing. he definitely is the coolest dude in the whole world ever... (you can even excuse him that little mr bean type run that he has going on).

one by one i’ve been searching for something
something never comes never leads to nothing
nothing satisfies but i’m getting close
closer to the prize at the end of the road


and that was it... the last big event of the year... it sure was one hell of year... and i owe it all to you guys... thanks for being the coolest people ever in the world ever... and i trust next year, you will down your tools, pick up arms and join me in the struggle for communism and a new world order... we can do it friends... we just need to believe!!!

have a very merry xmas and revolutionary new year.
later
d

cos i don't wanna come
back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this time
to find out what i need