hobson's word of the week - #2

unfortunately hobson spent last friday, saturday, sunday, and monday at the reading festival with his mates. his speak descalated a whole lot (hobson's own words). he started the weekend using words such as word of the week #1 narcisstic... but ended the weekend speaking like a commoner... words like dude, lekker, fat, hot, fart, GCM, jissus, and dak punctuated his sentences at regular intervals. he is therefore unable to provide us with a word this week.

shocked by this regression, elaine has whisked him off to scotland for a week on vocab camp. hopefully the camp will have the desired effect and hobson will once again be ready to assume his rightful place as king of vocab.

apologies for any inconvenience.

the nude girls are back

it's official... the springbok nude girl's have reformed and are releasing a new studio album... i heard it straight from the man himself. granted i had had a few cokes (the result of a heavy weekend in reading), but i'm sure i heard him say it last night after a few of us descended on the halfmoon in putney to catch arno carstens and former sng guitarist theo crous perform an acoustic set.

at the height of their popularity, sng were the biggest band of their day in south africa. more popular than the international bands at the time, their performances defined the late 90's and early 2000's. playing to packed clubs all over the country, their energy was legendary... arno in his sweat-drenched black kitters, tattooed theo rocking hard on guitar, the trumpet howling.

one of my biggest regrets ever is never having seen the nude girls live. they still occupy an awesome place in my life though and whenever i hear those trumpets start up, they always manage to take me away...

the (rsa) spring of 1997. my first year out of school. long hair was in fashion. everybody had long hair. the days were long and hot and the nights hazy. everything was easy. life was easy. life was for living. nothing mattered except having a good time. we had our whole lives ahead of us.

little little daisy
you drive me crazy
the garden of my brain is green
and brown sometimes

cruising round in my purple beetle. purple badboy sticker on the rear windscreen. anri in the front. his infectious laugh. caide and his dry humour in the back. shirts off. windows open. wind in our faces. tape deck on full blast. tapping on the roof. screaming.

oh oh a little bit of money
yeah yeah from a little bit of hurry

pulling up at durban train station. 750ml vodka (the R13 bottle that just said "vodka" in big red writing). 1l orange juice. mixing the vodka in a plastic beaker. downing the mix and smashing the remaining third of neat vodka from the bottle. inking in the fake "c-r-a-s-h" stamp on the eraser. avoiding the R10 cover charge at the door. the dark ominous atmosphere inside. damp. heading to the bar. the bitter-sweet taste of lion in a can. the dingy dancefloor full of jamming bodies. the beautiful girl. the the nervousness in my stomach when i catch her eye.

bubblegum on my boots today
bubblegum on my boots today
bubblegum on my boots today
bubblegum on my boots today

the dancefloor goes mental. sweat dripping. breathless. euphoria. more and more to drink. loss of time, memory. timeless. unforgetable. 4am. piling back into the car. snake park. stripping off. charging into the sea. wild abandonment. drying off with our shirts. johnnies. chip 'n cheese. mutton curry gravy. wake up.

the nude girls still rock.

alpha bravo down to romeo
we go on to the next show
and we frizz our hair
and status reports to long discussions
wondering about whether my boots is still stuck
and i think about this thing
and i wonder why
but i think i know what's wrong with me

hobson's word of the week - #1

ever since hobson met his super bright girlfiend elaine, his "linguistic ability has escalated exponentially" (hobson's own words). his vocabulary is now so wide that not even dopey can get his arms around it (and dopey can get his arms around most wide things). being so intellectually superior to most of his mates, he is battling to find worthwhile, meaningful conversation. he has therefore asked for a regular weekly slot on this blog in order to educate his friends in the hope that one day he may be able to have an intelligent, thought-provoking conversation with one of his peers.

hobson's word for the week - #1:

narcissistic (derived from the word narcissism)

orgin of the word:

the word is derived from greek mythology. narcissuss was a handsome greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph echoo. as a punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. unable to consummate his love, narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissuss.

meaning of the word:

a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, ie unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, ie takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

hobson's context:

dude: "i am having an operation to remove my left kidney to donate to my dying friend"
hobson: "bro... stop being narcissistic"

learning the word:

hobson reckons that now you are aware of the word you should attempt to use it as often as possible (no less than 3 times every ten minutes). because of the nature of the word, in order to use it regularly, you will need to surround yourself with good-looking, arrogant people (anyone wishing to spend time with buffy, spanky, or wiggy please let me know... you may not be first in line).

so that's it for this week... tune in next week for another edition of "hobson's word of the week".

your daughter... she kicked my dog

we were catching a cab home a few weeks ago after a boozy night out (you know the night where you start with a few quiet ones at the puzzle and then end up at the grand slurping brandies), when kirk started yelling at the cab driver, "your daughter... she kicked my dog... don't tell me f*ck!!!".

we all had a good laugh and i assumed that everyone knew where the saying came from. turn's out not even kirk knew the origin of his funniest line in... errr... well... ever. i therefore decided google it and expose my sheltered mates to the greatest prank call ever. i know some of you will have heard it... if you have, don't click on the link (although i laugh harder and harder every time i hear it)... if you haven't, click on the link below:

http://www.goyk.com/flash.asp?path=270

don't be a vegetable

have you ever wondered when the best time would be to harvest vegetables? you have!!!... great!!!... click here http://pubs.caes.uga.edu/caespubs/pubcd/L291-w.htm

premiership prediction 2006-07

1. chelsea

yip, i'm gonna be predictable and say that chelsea will win the league again... although i think it will be closer than last year. think mourinho has got problems this year - he doesn't know what his best team or formation is... and when / if he decides this, he will have some super huge ego's kicking their heals on the sidelines. looks as if he's gonna go 4-4-2 with schevchenko and drogba up front. that means two out of lampard, ballack, makahele, essien, robben and cole on the bench... and they're not gonna be happy with that. also, by signing ballack, mourinho has recreated the lampard / gerrard england problem in midfield - only at chelsea, neither of them can play out wide. at the back they are looking thin... if terry gets injured, i think they could def ship a few goals. all is not well at chelsea, and this could def be their last year of dominance.

2. liverpool

liverpool have made some good signings over the summer and appear to have remedied the lack of pace in the team with the acquisition of bellamy and pennant. they have also added gonzalez and aurelio on the left and kuijt up front (not totally convinced about him - a slow mark hughes - but he can't be any worse than cisse). they have an awesome midfield trio in alonso, sissoko and gerrard (the most influential player in the league by a mile). they also appear to be well covered at the back despite the continued prescence of carragher, who is average at best. can def see them having a good season.

3. man yoo

i'm tipping them for 3rd... just. this is assuming they bring in another midfield player (looks to be either hargreaves or senna). they are decent at the back with van der sar and rio. carrick is an awesome signing for them in midfiled, but i don't think ferguson realises he is a deep lying playmaker sitting in front of the back four rather than a more advanced player. i love giggs and ronaldo - they are two of my favourite players ever. up front, united are battling with rooney the only player with any class - the rest blatantly average (including saha). ferguson hasn't got a clue anymore and is def over the hill. he hasn't identified a good player that he can buy for under £10m in five years - he just cherry picks from other clubs at super high prices. man usa are going to regret keeping him on.

4. tottenham hotspur

spurs are 4th... pushing for 3rd if utd fail to sign a midfielder before the end of august. ekotto, zakora, and berbatov are awesome signings and if we had signed duff we probably would have cleaned up - league, fa cup, league cup and uefa cup. as it is, i'm tipping us for a triple - the three cup competitions we've entered and a respectable 4th in the league. with carrick gone, we'll play a different game this season, more direct, relying on the pace of lennon, jenas, and ekotto to catch to opposition out of position - this should result in us picking up more points away from home. the team have an awesome spine - robinson, king, dawson, zakora, jenas, berbatov, and keane / defoe - that is still young and can only get better. this is gonna be our season.

5. arsen*l

the arse are rubbish. they have lost bergkamp, pires and c*ntball. reyes and cole are on their way and there is dissent in the ranks. lehman has sore feet, the defence is thread bare, and the midfield is lightweight (although fabregas is quite good), and henry is on the wane (he won't be interested except in the champions league). arsenal are only heading one way... and that is down into massive debt. they'll probably be relegated in 5 years.

6. everton

with johnson and beattie up front... cahill, arteta, super simon davies and the hard-working-but-average neville in the midfield... and yobo and lescott at the back, i think they could have a pretty good season. why did they sign howard though? under moyes they have always been organised and with the touch of class added i expect them to finish 6th... although it will be about 8 - 10 points off 5th place.

7. portsmouth

portsmouth have a decent spine in james, c*ntball, mendes, davis, taylor, o'neill... they just need someone up front... but i'm backing harry to organise something (he always does). with money to burn, expect a few more signings before august and in jan.

8. west ham

i hate the spammers... but i reckon they'll do okay. they play free-flowing, open football and with the quality they have in midfield and up front they will give a lot of teams a good. my tip to lose to spurs in one of the fa cup semi-finals.

9. newcastle

duff... you knob... if you had come to spurs we would have won the championship. instead you're going to be wallowing in mid-table. roeder is a shocking manager (almost as bad as souness) and they are light at the back and up front with owen out for life. they have a good midfield though and parker, emre and duff should see them into the top half.

10. blackburn

with bellamy gone blackburn have lost their most potent weapon and a whole lot of pace. i'd like to see mccarthy do well and hope he can score some goals (manu will prob pick him up next season for £23m if he gets 15 - cos god knows saha won't even hit 6). the are a good, solid, no frills side that is going to finish 10th.

11. villa

they have a top 4 manager, but a bottom 4 squad. that can only spell mid-table. i like o'neill... he speaks a whole lot of sense. barry is prob the only decent player in the squad... cos baros runs around like a very fast headless chicken... but if o'neill can spend some of the yank's money they may make the top half. manu def missed the boat by not getting rid of ferguson and getting o'neill.

12. man city

made some decent, if old signings. hamman, dabo and corradi should be decent players. barton is good in midfield and they have one of the best youngsters in british football in micah richards (manu will prob buy him for £34m in two years time). i also like pearce... he has passion. still only reckon they'll finish mid-table though.

13. charlton

hasselbaink and bent look like they could score goals... but in traore they have signed the worst ever champions league winner (who in their right mind would spend £2m on him?). andy 'who ate all the pies' reid will do well for them on the left and ambrose is promising on the right. but they still have traore in their squad and that has to be worth a 6 point deficit at the start.

14. bolton

bolton have lost too many players and haven't replaced them. okocha, nakata, jaidi, n'gotty, etc. they look vulnerable at the back. nolan and giannakopolous are strong in midfield, but campo is just a joke. up front they look slow and predictable... so i'm gonna go for a big fall this year - 14th.

15. boro

can't stand boro... they are rubbish... and downing is slow... and southgate has buck-teeth... and yakubu has malaria... and they wanted to sign robert huth... the fact that they didn't sign him means they'll escape relegation.

16. wigan

they signed heskey... enough said... they are lucky i don't put them at position number 20.

17. sheff utd

one promoted team has to escape relegation and i'm going for sheff utd. tonge and jagielka are decent players and they are a physically strong, organised team.

18. fulham

it is a pity... but my local club are going down. this is because a girl i know has messed with their best player's head and he no longer wants to play football. it sure is a sad, sad situation.

19. reading

reading... in the premiership... are you having a laugh.

20. watford

dave fisher (www.wozafriday.com) lives there... it is a sh*t-hole. no decent player worth two bob would want to live there... hence their rubbish team.

what happened to straight wiggy? (28th - 30th july 06)

we went to cardiff for the weekend. cardiff sure is a strange city. it is welsh afterall. i had been pre-warned about the dodgy welsh folk... according to legend, when the julius ceaser invaded the uk in 55bc, all the indigenious tribes moved to wales on the western part of the island. they barracaded themselves in for protection and have been inbreeding ever since. not surprisingly, 2000 odd years later, the incest has taken it's toll and resulted in some really weird looking people.

not only are there strange people in wales, but strange happenings and circumastances seem to be a way of life... and we encountered our fair share of unsolvable (is that a word?) mysteries over the weekend. here they are (in no particular order):

1. frank and the chicken burger

frank on monday, "if anyone can help me remember why i bought a chicken burger on saturday night, how it ended up on the floor, how i ended up with daves key card for his hotel room, please let me know. porto, please help."

to which porto responded, "daves key??? no idea... chicken burger - you said you never buy chicken burger after you bought it... you then said - you bought it for dopey or dopey wanted it... - yet dopey had gone off with ryan a while back...?!?!!! you then wanted to put it on the floor outside the shop and said - someone will eat it... ??!!??!!! then i told you to pick it up and to go back to hotel - u mumbled something... that is pretty much what i recall... (side point - on our way back to hotel we must have seen some 8 limo's picking people up). chicken burger on the floor - you got a fright when dopey opened his room door... does that help?"

hmmm... as per frank... how embarrassing.


2. what happened to straight wiggy?

the white shoes, the white shorts, the white shirt, the skwiff blue-tinted tennis hat, the big shiny glasses, and the highlighted spikey blonde hair... wiggy rocked up in the hotel foyer on saturday morning looking like the queen of the chav's...


3. paulo wandering the staircase

i stumbled back into the hotel on sunday morning at about 4.30am after cruising to some dodgy dance club with wiggy and miguel. the others had all left and gone home at about 2am when the walkabout closed. i was hauling myself up the stairs when i bumped into paulo on his way down. i was like, hey what's up? he was like, not much. i asked him what he was doing wandering the staircase at this time in the morning. he said he couldn't find frank's room (fully 2hrs after he left the club). i asked him what he had been doing. he said, dunno. didn't think much more of it that night, and invited him to sleep on our floor. he did. i have to say that his aimless, drunken wandering in the staircase in the early hours of the morning continued to puzzle me for weeks. mental note to self... never let girlfriend / wife / daughters take the stairs in a hotel after midnight.


4. where are the welsh gingers?

we did not see one ginger bird in wales... apparently, due to the inbreeding, the specific ginger gene has been out-bred (sure am making up some awesome new words today) and replaced by a new strawberry blonde gene. this particular gene makes ladies very attractive... especially when drunk (you.. not the strawberry blonde).

5. what does cardiff bay look like?

if you get to see cardiff bay, you haven't partied hard enough on the weekend.

6. is it the welsh beer?

when fetching a rugby ball from the cliff-face-like canal edge, why remove shoes, socks, phone, wallet and passport and hand it to your mate who then charges down the steep embankment straight into the water to reclaim the ball... hmmm... it's the welsh beer i tell you!!!

7. is wales really 1.15hrs behind england?

8. when was the last time there were 3 portos in cardiff?

9. why do welsh birds go crazy for dodgy pink hats?


10. where the hell were all the sheep?

an alcohol feuled man gets desparate going home at 4am in the morning empty handed. we had heard about the prize-winning, home-grown, free-range sheep in wales and heard that there were plenty of them... "around every corner" was the phrase. and after seeing the best of what the welsh female population had to offer, we thought it would be best to take our chances with the sheep. just one question... where the hell were the goddamn fluffy white bastards???

Other than that we drank beer and partied...

hills howard in the ring... (a thursday evening in early july '06)


a few weeks ago, possibly a month ago, pete gericke and the lovely sam were over in london on holiday. around that time, there were also a number of other hills howard old boys that were fresh off the boat. we therefore decided to have a hh old boy reunion of sorts. there were a number of options of things we could do (tennis evening, weekend away in the burg, hundred club, strip joint)... but we eventually decided on an old-school-billing-dinner-type event. we booked a restuarant - the flaming wok - in wimbledon, and invited the entire population of ex-A-side hh folk living in europe. the following people could not make the event:

1. porto - had to work late... poor poor effort (if you did some work during the day, you wouldn't have to work at night).
2. kirk - prior engagements with a cleaning lady... hmmm.
3. bastable - tries not to associate with riff-raff anymore.
4. frank - had already had 2 litres of plain greek yoghurt for dinner.
5. hobson - he's not a hh boy goddammit.

so... what did we do? we did what we usually do at hh billing dinners... we boozed... and we boozed... and we boozed... and we picked up the waitresses... and we boozed... and porto puked (actually he didn't... because he wasn't there)... and we boozed... and we cruised out to party... and we boozed... and we boozed... and we pinched nipples (actually that was only dopey)... and we boozed... and we slapped our mates on the back... and we boozed... and none of us picked up (except frank who was wearing his tight white jeans... actually he didn't pick up... because he wasn't wearing tight white jeans... and he wasn't there)... and we boozed... and we got home at 5.30am... and we we rocked into work the next morning with mean thumpers... and we ordered cokes and toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches (thick slices, salt and pepper) from ken's... and we boozed at lunch... and we got through the day... and we started over again.

actually we didn't. it was pretty sad really. not one brandy and coke was consumed. not one suit-case was ordered. not one flaming sambucca was flamed. there were no food fights. no pube sabotaged meals. no waitresses abused. not one of us ventured out to party afterwards (except wiggy). no-one grabbed hold of the mic and embarrassed himself at karaoke. no-one went to work the next morning wearing a dodgy purple shirt and schoolboy grasshoppers having had an all-nighter at the tennis club singing "sing us a song you're the piano man". it was sad. we sure are getting old.

it was good however to catch up with all the guys... pete and sam appear to be as happy as punch. we got updates on all the latest hh scandle and gossip... apparently it's crazier and more incestuous than ever before. raymond looked good after his stint in dubai. greg was a good laugh. ryan was boozing. dopey was dopey. wiggy was choking on his extra hot curry. and the girls (megan and gail) were looking pretty. the night ended with us balancing spoons on our noses (see what happens when you get old). we were tucked into bed by 11.30pm.

just a quick note on where all the guys are now and what they are doing with their lives:

pete - no, he's not a partner yet
ryan - turned into a raging kiwi alcoholic
grumbies - confused
dopey - doing his best to immitate bam
raymond - got a dodgy pair of nipple rings
wiggy - spends most of his time and money at the hairdresser
porto - marrying the girl of his dreams next year
kirk - global head of hsbc
bastable - raping and pillaging the 3rd world
frank - still trying to solve the mystery of the chicken burger
hobson - still wishing he was a hills howard boy
me - just trying to find love (aahhh)

and that was that... good friends. good memories. good times.

if you tolerate this, then your children will be next

Working Man’s Charity Foundation
“Small steps towards a brighter future”
Newsletter August 2006
Issue 1.2

It’s been an exciting few months! In April, we donated R25 000 (GBP2 500) to Stella to support the Sinenhlanhla orphans who started pre-primary school in January and in June we donated GBP400 to Sekamuli Secondary School in Uganda to cover the costs of labour and building materials for the completion of a physics laboratory. I travelled to Uganda in July with a group from The Netherlands to assist with the building of the classroom and although we were only able to reach roof level, with our donation they now have what they need to complete the brickwork and roof in the next few weeks. During the trip, I also found out more about the new Malaria Project in the Parish of Sekamuli and offered to sponsor a borehole that will provide one of the villages with accessible drinking water. All in all, our list of supporters is growing and I’m hoping that through our newsletters, website and your encouraging words we’ll be able to continue gaining support as we change the world with each small step. Many thanks and happy reading!

Best regards,
Sean Bastable

For the lastest news and newsletter check out http://www.wmcf.blogspot.com/ and pass it onto family and friends.

Subscribe
If you’d like to subscribe to our quarterly newsletters, please send an email to wmcf@webmail.co.za with the subject “Subscribe”.

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If you would like to be sent details on how to support the initiatives of the WMCF, please send an email to wmcf@webmail.co.za with the subject “Donate”.

Monies collected by 31 August 2006 will go to the Sekamuli Malaria Project for the building of a borehole and to Stella for the education of the pre-primary school students (including those from Sinenhlanhla).

a cool poem for friday

good girl

hold up the universe, good girl. hold up
the tent that is the sky of your world at which
you are the narrow centre pole, good girl. rup-
ture is the enemy. keep all whole. the itch
to be yourself, plump and bending, below a sky
unending, held up by god forever
is denied by you as central control. sever
yourself, poor false atlas, poor "atlesee", lie
recumbent below the sky. nothing falls down,
except you, luscious and limited on the ground.
holding everything up, always on your own,
creates a loneliness so profound
you are nothing but a column, good girl,
a temple ruin against a sky held up
by forces beyond you. let yourself curl
up: a fleshy foetal figure cupped
about it's own vibrant soul. you are
the universe about it's pole. god's not far.

molly peacock