the holyland

you can see straight away why god made israel his chosen land. hot girls. warm sun. cool sea. and cold beers. paradise. heaven. what more could you ask for? one of the hot girls perhaps... but right now i'm happy just looking.

graeme and talia's wedding was great. one of those mtv "my super sweet 16" efforts with live bands and dancers and performers and tv cameras and paparazzi and great food and loads of free booze (quality booze). it was by far the most lavish affair i've ever been to. and the jewish folk sure do know how to party. graeme was buggered after his 17th dance in a row. we could tell. he was panting. heavily.

we managed to get pretty drunk on chivas regal. as per usual we ended up throwing grapes around the dance floor. pink target was semi-comatose in his socks swigging red wine out of the bottle. stuart was eyeing out one of the barladies. howard was banging one of the barladies. fred was moving in on the mothers (but getting nowhere with the gran). spanky was rolling on the floor in the lobby. graeme was panting. heavily.

otherewise the holyland has been good to us. and a little weird. jerusalem was weird. super weird. super orthodox. jewish and christian and muslim. lots of ritual. and kissing stones. and chanting. and dark clothing. and curly-fry sideburns. and bobbing and weaving. and nothing is historically true. nobody knows where anything happened. but they'll sell you the tour.

galilee was good. we rafted in the jordan river. and then took to skimming stones. and when we got bored we played stingers with grapes. nice.

the dead sea was salty. one learning: don't try to urinate in the dead sea. it stings. super badly. i know this because i slipped up. twice. and paid the price. twice. it wasn't pleasant. sunrise at masada is pleasant though. as are the sweet water springs just up the road.

eilat is great. the diving is average. but the dead sea diving is "one of the best spots in the world". we found a cool hostel (which doubles as a dog farm) and met a che guevara lookalike dude named yeti. random. but there are no coincidences in life.

tel aviv is the bomb. super party town. super sexy girls. super nice beaches. but also super expensive.

israel teaches you that (in all probability) jesus sure was a cool guy. he probably had designer stubble and a great six-pack. he wore his baggies low and didn't take shit from no-one. he liked falafel and enjoyed the occassional beer or twelve. he was a great party entertainer and would often turn water into wine should there be a lack of alcohol - as such he was very popular and had a super active social circle. we can also deduce from our israel learnings that mary was a super-babe.

christ you know it ain't easy
you know how hard it can be
the way things are going
they're gonna crucify me

off to egypt tomo. having issues with the sudan visa.