bossies winch

"kilimanjaro is a snow-covered mountain 19,710 feet high, and is said to be the highest mountain in africa. it's western summit is called the masai 'ngaje ngai', the house of god. close to the western summit there is the dried and frozen carcass of a leopard. no one has explained what the leopard was seeking at that altitude."

- hemingway

kilimanjaro. "where ordinary people come to do extraordinary things". ha! whatever. bet they weren't expecting that: some dude with a frozen snot-ball tach going totally bossies at the top. staggering. dance-stepping. swearing and slurring. i'm a sloppy drunk at the best of times. but at the top of the tallest free-standing mountain in the world it got messier than porto after a tequila shot.

it sure was embarrassing. staggering into to base camp hand-in-hand with a scrawny buck-toothed tanzanian guide named ernest. the 63yr old canadian tannies who had zipped up and down were sniggering and shaking their heads. the porters in my party hung their heads in shame. frank and miguel, shocked and hurt, skirted off to the tent and kept a low profile for the rest of the day. i just gabbled, stubbled, and drooled uncontrollably. my mama always used to say, life is like a box of choc-o-lates...

it all started innocently enough. we decided to go the hard-core route. not the "coca-cola route". we gave up the log cabins, and the sauna's, and the hot horny scando's for the amazing views, diverse wildlife, and authentic experience along the "machame route". and we were justified. we saw some amazing cloud formations during our six days camping in the freezing cold and rain. we also managed to see a mouse. at the summit there is a piece of wood.

still it is all my own fault. i vowed after climbing huanyi potosi in bolivia that i would never in the whole world ever climb another mountain again. pete... where were you in my time of need??? you bastard. anyway... so i vow never in the whole world ever to climb another mountain in the whole world ever again.

i am now going to eat steers. drink beer. party. i hope. and then head off to malawi on monday.

my tach survives! so long. fuckers.