snow (hey oh)

it snowed in london yesterday. porto excitedly burst into my room at 7.30am, ripped open my curtains, and with a beaming face, announced: "dude... it snowed". i was in no mood for such arbitrary information half an hour before my official wake up time, so mumbled: "i know" and then turned over and went back to sleep.

the reason i knew that it had snowed is a quaint and delightful tale...

for some reason, i have a fairly weak bladder, and often have to get up of a night to relieve myself. during dopey's time in the house, i used to get lambasted the morning after and he never got tired of questions like:

1. did you get up last night at x.xx (precise time) to go to the toilet?
2. how do you know you need the toilet when you are sleeping?
3. how come you need to go to the toilet at night?
4. is it like sleep-peeing?
5. have you ever thought of not drinking two hours before bedtime?
6. is it right to fondle man boobs?

faced with these morning questions continuously for months on end, i tried everything: i tip-toed up the stairs, i peed on the side of the bowl (not in the water), i didn't flush - anything not to wake him up, but every morning without fail the usual barrage of questions would fly my way.

that was until i developed a cunning plan. devious. and evil. i have french doors in my room leading out onto our back garden - so i figured, instead of going upstairs to the loo, i would head out of my garden doors to pee at night. and so developed my nightly garden pee ritual.

dopey was amazed: "sooo... you didn’t pee last night?". sly smile: "nope". he was a lost man without his morning ridiculing and, in truth, our relationship never fully recovered... it was always kinda frosty after that.

despite the fact that dopey has subsequently left and martin has moved in i have continued to pee outside... i guess i have come to enjoy my moment of solitude under the stars.

and so it was two nights ago that i routinely stepped outside in the early hours of the morning, only to be blown away by the peacefulness of a blanket of white. serene and tranquil. no wind. no cars. no birds. utter silence. i was alone with the fluttering snow and my steaming yellow wee. there is something magical about snow, and as i stood there urinating, i became one with the world and the universe. peace of mind. quality.

i stood there taking it in for a few moments. admiring the pure beauty of the world. and then i fcked off back to bed.