a weird xmas party (15.12.06)

i generally love xmas parties. they create a level playing field. most folks spend the whole year feeling oppressed – threatened by their boss, or their peers, or the strange dude with the intense stare who hangs around the coffee / photocopy machine for no apparent reason. but xmas parties remedy this big time - because everyone gets super boozed.

the faceless multinational conglomerate that employs me is full of impressive people. top of their class and super intelligent (the one dude even has an odd double egg-shaped head to fit in his extra brain), they embrace corporate life and professionalism with a passion bordering on the religious. how i slipped through the door is anyone’s guess, but i generally float around the office on a relative brain-wave-length that is thicker than hobson’s eyebrows. in other words i don’t belong (although this is probably due to the fact that i am recluse... anyway... errr...).

but this would surely change at the xmas party – now these uptight genius freaks would be on my turf. beer, and klippies, and backslapping, and nipple twisting, and swearing, and lurid conversations about chicks, and ass, and booze, and oggling the new super sexy pa bird who gives you a come-to-bed eyeballing every time you walk past her desk. well that's how it was supposed to be...

not so... when you’re playing with academic immortals it’s difficult to bring your B game and you tend to up your level to those you are playing with. so we drank wine and vodka martini’s. and we spoke about exposures, and fun, and shoe, and sox, and gay sex on ecstasy. i ended up having the weirdest conversations with the most inappropriate people. it was strange.

but it was sophisticated. there was swearing... but it sounded as if it came from the mouth of james bond. there was flirting... but it belonged to the chivalrous era of 1920's ballroom dancing. there were arguments about sport... but it was tea and cucumber sandwich language. there was a sinister layer of cleanliness that no form of outrageous behaviour could trash. nothing would take this party down to the depths of 54 on a thursday night in 2001. it was brutally upper class. i was disorientated and broken. and i had to leave. i left before the bar tab closed!!!

i’m not quite sure what my point was - but it sure was a weird xmas party... unlike any that i have experienced before. and the moral of the story? if you like red meat, you probably shouldn’t marry a gay vegetarian.